The Heart is Slow to Learn
by loquaciousjedi
Summary: A one-shot look into Sookie's possible thoughts in the bathroom after Bill proposes in "Beyond Here Lies Nothin'." May develop into a longer Sookie/Eric story.


Sookie ran into the bathroom, tears almost blinding her as they silently ran down her face, and she shut the door almost noiselessly behind her. _No slamming, Gran raised me better than that. _Leaning against the door, she shook her head and laughed at herself through the tears._ Damn it, who thinks of __**doors **__at a time like this!_

She made a beeline for the sink and grabbed either side, steadying herself as her mind raced and the tears continued to flow, jumping from thought to thought without settling on anything coherent. _Married?! How can I get married? Every other day someone's trying to kill me, and my friends and family. Jason's all I have left. People keep dying all around me. My house is ruined. Fudge Maryanne, she ruined my grandmother's house. But I managed to hurt her. Except how did I do that? What's wrong with me that I can shoot light or energy or whatever out of my hands? As if mindreading wasn't enough to make me a freak, now this too. And of course, the minute someone finds out they'll start trying to use me for that too. Eric will make Bill take me all over the country, zapping his enemies. Just like Texas. Oh, Godric. Poor Eric. Not that he needs the help taking care of his enemies; he's perfectly capable on his own. With that body- __**NO**__, I will __**NOT**__ go there. It's been bad enough with all these dreams. Bill will have to notice soon, hopefully I haven't been talking in my sleep. I hate Eric, tricking me into drinking his blood. He probably knows I hate him too, since he can sense everything I'm feeling. _

Shaking her head again, harder this time, Sookie took a deep breath and closed her eyes to center herself. _Now is not the time to be thinking about Eric. Get a grip, Bill just proposed. Golly, I'm such a mess. How could he want to marry me? He says he loves me. And he sure acts like it. He's always around to protect me- well, except when Eric stepped in at The Fellowship of the Sun Church before he got there, but that's just one time. Other than that he has a pretty good record. Oh, and Eric shielded me from the bomb blast too, but then he ruined it by lying and tricking me into drinking his blood. Bill says Eric was determined to form a bond with me and it's because I drank his blood that I've been having all these sexual feelings. That he's proving his power over Bill. But he isn't all bad. He loved Godric, and he's helped me. _

Flashes from her dreams flooded Sookie's mind- Eric saying he had love only for her and the two of them together in bed and the feeling of warmth and completeness, the blood tears he cried for his maker and the urgency with which he kissed her. _But none of that was real. It's all just these dreams. They're driving me crazy._

Sookie turned on the sink and splashed some water on her face, trying to wash away the memories and the desire her dreams inspired. _How am I supposed to marry Bill if I keep dreaming about Eric? I've got all those years of practice blocking other people's thoughts, I just have to work harder on blocking my own. After all, Bill can be smothering and overprotective and controlling and jealous, but he really cares for me. He doesn't use me for my powers like __**some**__ other vampires I know. And he wants to keep me safe, which can be a little claustrophobic sometimes, but it's sweet. And I love him. Just, does it have to happen now? This is all so sudden. But I guess at the rate all these awful things are happening I might not be around too much longer. Gotta grab life by the horns. Not that Bill's really alive…which means I'll never have kids. _Sookie searched her face in the mirror. _But I don't even know if I'm human, so maybe I couldn't have had them anyway. When I was a little girl dreaming of walking down the aisle, I couldn't have imagined how complicated this would be. What if he doesn't love me when I'm old and wrinkled and he's still young and beautiful?_

Sookie held up the ring he gave her, studying it. _It's so pretty. And I care for him so much._ Impulsively, she decided to try it on. It fit perfectly. She held her hand up and looked at her reflection in the mirror. It just seemed so **right**. _I can sit here worrying forever, or I can trust that I love him and try to make this work. Before I met Bill, I couldn't find anyone I could be myself with. Turning him down doesn't make sense. I love him, he loves me, and I can be myself with him. He doesn't think I'm a freak. Really,_ she smiled,_ he's the freak in our relationship. And I can say yes without us having to get married tomorrow. We can have a long engagement while I figure some stuff out. It's not like time matters that much to Bill._

Her mind made up, Sookie went about cleaning herself up, washing the tear trails of mascara off her face and reapplying some lipstick. _After all, a girl should look her best when accepting her wedding proposal. _She looked at herself one last time in the mirror and nodded, assured that while she may not know what the future held, she wanted to spend it with Bill.

_Now I better go tell him yes before he gets worried that something happened or I ran off. _ Sookie tried to control the newfound excitement bubbling up inside of her and act like a lady as she opened the door. _Gran would have wanted me to take my time and not run out there screaming like a schoolgirl. Then again, she'd also say I only live once._ Smiling, Sookie ran around the corner, proclaiming for all the world to hear, "Yes! Yes, Bill Compton, I will marry…" The scene in front of her stopped her in her tracks. "…you."

Sookie looked around, shocked and confused. The table they had been sitting at was a mess, most of the dishes knocked on the floor, the tablecloth pulled half off, Bill's chair knocked to the ground. Bill was gone. The place seemed deserted. _Where's Bill? Where's everyone? What happened?! _Looking behind her, Sookie noticed the front door to the restaurant was wide open, swaying back and forth in the wind.

She turned back to the table, still in shock. At a loss, Sookie called out, her voice shaking, "Bill?"


End file.
